Learning by Listening: Stanley’s Wisdom

Early in his career, while leading a support group for people struggling with substance abuse, Stanley had a eureka moment.

“At first I thought, ‘This is my group, and it’s going wonderfully,’” he recalls. “Then I realized: This is their group. They can do it any way they want, and I’ll follow.”

This discovery – that the best way to be of service to others starts not by giving advice but by listening – helped shape his long career in human resources, counseling and social work. Today, as a senior living resident at Atria West 86, Stanley still practices this wise approach.

One skill that changes everything

Listening, Stanley says, is a skill that can only be developed by staying present with the people around us.

“Listening is really the key,” Stanley says. “In work, in relationships, in anything where there are other people involved.”

Too often, he believes, people interrupt because they assume they already know what someone else is going to say.

“If you don’t listen when someone speaks, you’re not going to know who they are,” he says. “And they’re not going to know who you are. You end up interrupting all the time because you think you know what they’re saying. But you never really know until you let them finish.”

Like any skill, listening takes practice and patience.

“How do you get to Carnegie Hall?” Stanley asks with a smile. “You practice, you practice, you practice.”

The same is true of becoming a better listener. It requires patience and a willingness to focus on someone else’s perspective rather than your own.

“You meet them where they are, not where you want them to be,” Stanley says.

Listening is a lifelong practice

At 80, a lifetime of listening has made Stanley appreciate how much we can learn from the people around us.

When his two grandchildren came to visit him at Atria, Stanley wondered whether they would be interested in talking with older adults. But Stanley’s son insisted the kids could learn a lot from the experience.

“You want to let younger people ask you questions rather than telling them what you think they should know,” he says. “Of course,” he says with a laugh, “it helps when they ask questions you can answer.”

Stanley’s wisdom is a reminder that understanding begins with attention. No matter your age, the most important thing you can do is listen.

In celebration of Atria’s 30th anniversary, we’re sharing Pearls of Wisdom from the wisest people we know – the residents in our senior living communities, who have navigated every chapter of life. Visit AtriaPearls.com to browse an archive of their advice and gather even more wisdom.