Dr. Elizabeth is 93. Dr. Ben is 92. “I married a younger man,” Elizabeth says with a mischievous laugh.
They’ve been married for 64 years, and they’ll both tell you the secret is two-fold: work together and stay independent.
“In order to be strong together, you both need to be strong individually,” Ben says. “It’s a marriage of equal partners who can discuss things, disagree pleasantly and move forward together.”
Throughout the years, they’ve found that honest conversations make for a stronger partnership.
“My mother always agreed with my father,” Elizabeth says. “And later in life, I realized that’s a little strange. One of the things I liked about Ben was that he’s very direct, so we discuss everything – sometimes heatedly – which is good.”
Hitting the jackpot
Ben and Elizabeth had gotten used to the cycle of blind dates that led nowhere and didn’t go into their first meeting with high hopes. But maybe because the date devolved into a comedy of errors (including a hospital visit), the couple realized they were pretty good at facing life’s challenges together.
“If you’re going on a blind date,” Ben says with the wisdom of hindsight, “it’s like entering a lottery. Most of the time you lose, but once in a while, you hit the jackpot.”
The couple felt they’d won big and started making a life together.
They left New York City for Vermont, where they balanced careers in medicine with raising children and spent weekends hiking and skiing. Elizabeth worked as a psychiatrist, co-authoring more than 20 books on emotions for young adults, while Ben was a physician, growing his career through academic medicine.
“It was a lot,” Elizabeth says. “Working and then running off to pick up children and take them to various activities.”
Through those hectic years of young parenthood, the couple still had to navigate being good partners. For Ben, the solution was obvious – and is still relevant for couples today.
“Don’t assume the world is centered on you,” he says. “Recognize that life is a series of compromises or adjustments – it’s not your way or the highway all the time.”
Keep friends close – and family closer
After following jobs around the country and watching children leave the nest, the couple returned to New York and the extended family they’d left behind.
“When you’re younger, you have your own family, your children, and you don’t have as much time for cousins and uncles and aunts,” Ben says of this new stage in their lives. “But after the kids left and I retired, being near extended family became more important.”
With a cousin across the street from their new home at Atria West 86 and family throughout the city, they’re never at a loss for company – and they’re still content with each other. Into their 90s, Ben and Elizabeth continue to pursue their individual interests, to appreciate one another’s company, and even to disagree.
“It’s that balance that keeps us in a happy marriage,” Elizabeth says.
In celebration of Atria’s 30th anniversary, we’re sharing Pearls of Wisdom from the wisest people we know – the residents in our senior living communities, who have navigated every chapter of life. Visit AtriaPearls.com to browse an archive of their advice and gather even more wisdom.
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